Anyways since getting high off industrial chemicals is bad for the old noodle, and that’s all I have really, I’m not female (in case anyone was wondering) so I can’t just take pictures of myself (they don’t even have to be salacious in nature, thems are suckers, those boys) and expect to see the hits come pouring in.
So then.
Readers of newspapers would no doubt have seen letters from the general public being published in a dedicated section usually called a forum, you know they are not written by actual journalists because they are usually frivolous in nature and have the quality of a secondary school homework assignment run through a word processor and with some big words thrown in just to make absolutely sure to readers that the writer has a better vocabulary than someone who does not know how to use a dictionary.
Well, I have taken it upon myself to reply to some of these senders of letters. Mostly because I haven’t thought of anything else to write an update about, and my blog seems to give off this weird fishy smell when I leave it alone for too long.
Today’s punching bag comes courtesy of one Arlene Mandia. Why, Hello Arlene, it is nice of you to have written your letter which I would in the ensuing few paragraphs make a few cutting remarks about and dismissively declare to be asinine spittle wiped off from the frothing mouth of a woman infected by rabies by one of the thirteen cats she lives with, on a used tissue and sent to the newspaper, which in turn published it because nothing else fitted in that small space between the advertisements.
Oh dear, In the expulsion of all that pent up bile, I seem to have forgotten that the purpose of the letter that Arlene sent was to decry the use of the word ‘hello’ in a sarcastic manner.
I am SO sorry then, Arlene. So so so SO sorry. So sorry indeed that right now as I am typing, hot, wet streams of tears have spouted from my tear ducts and makes a pool of condensed regret on my keyboard.
Couldn’t help myself.
My my, Arlene, either you live in a world of politeness and graciousness, where people always engage in pleasantries and speak with candor. That, or perhaps where you come from the people there are such masters of subtle sarcasm that any hint of which would escape your feeble mind and so be misinterpreted as geniality. Or a third and the most likely possibility is that you’re a fucking idealistic tard.
While living in a utopia, of rainbows and unicorns, of adventure and wonder, where people talk like characters in the Lord of the Rings, where people of nobility and rectitude dwell in quaint houses where dinner parties are often held and everyone has opinions about wine and its accompaniment of food, which they drink with their pinkies stuck out as a sign of sophistication. All this sounds very attractive and if I could I would rather live in that fantasy world than this decaying shit-hole of a world we humans fucked up and are now trying to put it back together as best we can with scotch tape and chewed up gum.
And who wouldn’t want to?
It seems so easy when you put it on paper. The only thing that needs to be done is to make everyone realise that a peaceful, civil world can be achieved by wanting it and to start acting like we live in that fantasy land.
After all, who doesn’t want world peace, amiright?
Well, the problem really is that no one is ever one thing. It is inevitable to categorise people and form stereotypes because that is how we evolved, by assigning everything we see into broad categories we were able to learn and pass information amongst ourselves quickly and efficiently, this was useful when we had to decide whether a saber-toothed cat was something to cuddle up to or to avoid as death. This, however, has an undesirable effect when it comes to describing more nuanced ideas such as an ideal or a personality. What we end up with is flash cards like the guy in the movie memento, only taking snapshots of a particular person at a particular time and remembering only the most important things about them that is most relevant to oneself.
But I am starting to digress.
What I mean is no one person can dictate how a culture shapes itself, however much it may irk us. You don’t like the way people use the word ‘hello’, well tough titty, the people who are forced to serve you because it is their job to, probably find you to be a sanctimonious wanker, and they can’t even take the moral high ground and write to a newspaper to complain about the way people expect them to have no other emotion except the most noblest of joys that they get from satisfying your every need and fancy.
One last thing, the feeling of goodness is not intrinsic to the word itself. But more to the person hearing it and whatever one might interpret it to mean. Maybe if people behaved in a way that does not warrant the sarcastic use of the word ‘hello’ then such a practice would cease.
But such are the days we live in that we cannot or would not afford the time and courtesy to step into someone elses’ shoes and take on anothers’ perspective so that some sort of tacit understanding could be reached and act like the civilized people we like to think we are.
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