That is not to say that I believe that all terrorists have bad teeth or unhealthy dental hygiene, I’m pretty sure, hunted inexorably as they are, they would at least have access to some toothpaste and a toothbrush in their treehouse, hobbit hole or wherever they are hiding. A chewed up end of a fibrous stick could work in a pinch.
No, I’m quite certain that even the latest breed of terrorist, the self radicalized, social outcast that spends most of his time on shady internet forums, motivated less by ideology than fighting off a suffocating boredom. The ones that otherwise live normal lives, the ones that could be your neighbours. (Or Pepsi Terrorists as I call them) I bet those people also don’t visit their dentists.
How can I say this with such certainty?
Because visiting a dentist to get your teeth cleaned, would suggest that the person in question possesses the capacity for empathy that is surely a quality that terrorists are lacking. It suggests that the person cares about what others think of them and would do something to improve that impression.
I am not talking about going to a dentist to fix a toothache, terrorists might be misguided and cruel but they are not stupid.
A normal (relatively speaking) person before visiting the dentist would at the very least brush their teeth paying attention to brush near the gums and the hard to reach places at the back of the mouth. A more fastidious person might brush twice. A person who has obsessive compulsive disorder adds flossing and finally a schizophrenic finishes with a round of anti-septic mouthwash to kill any disease spreading bacteria, but he does it every 30 minutes anyway.
But a terrorist would not place any additional importance to a visit to the dentist, the dentist, after all is most probably an infidel, another cog in the capitalist machine, undeserving of sympathy or courtesy. A trip to the dentist is merely an inconvenient step towards blowing himself up after which he would become a martyr and his spirit commended to heaven where it will be blessed with perfect teeth.
Terrorists also lack another vital characteristic most of us take for granted, trust in complete strangers. Trust might be too strong a word for it. Perhaps it would be clearer to say that most people do not believe that the rest of humanity secretly held a meeting and unanimously agreed to destroy their way of life. Most people believe that other people don’t give two flying fucks about their way of life.
It is the lack of this particular quality that impinges on the ability of the terrorist to lie helplessly on a dentist’s chair, completely at the mercy of his various instruments of horror lined up on that swiveling work surface like cutlery on a table of a restaurant that has a menu composed entirely of items you can’t pronounce so you have to point to the waiter stupidly like some mute retard.
4th circle of hell
In many ways dentistry can be said to be a form of oral terrorism. The sterile white washed rooms, the many drills and instruments of unclear function, the bright light they shine on your face, the long waiting times, the discomfort of having a person’s face so close you can see individual pores over a long period of time, not to mention the astronomical prices are just some of the many tools used to intimidate you into brushing at least twice a day and flossing at least once a day.
Oh God! I’ll brush my teeth, I swear!
Maybe it’s professional jealously, because one is clearly doing better than the other.
But there is one crucial way in which their methods differ, and any terrorists reading should take note, dentists have this uncanny ability to make you care.
Even under the stress of being poked in the mouth, not knowing exactly what is going on, one still makes the effort to breathe through one’s nose in case one has halitosis and the dentist happened to not like the smell of rotting seafood.
It also helps that they give you a lollipop after.
So I guess what I’m saying is terrorists should make bombs that give people candy, chocolate and joy instead third degree burns, shrapnel and death.
The new face of terrorism
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