“A bit of Travel with Johnny”.
In tonight’s cryptic and indecipherable episode of
“A bit of Travel with Johnny”
We explore London through the insufferably pompous verse of the author.
Enjoy.
Scene 1
The party arrives in England
Enter Traveler and companions
Traveler
So it is come, soonest we shall make to the cross,
Where passing shelter lie. As the flight of swifts
We fly, we have time not. Lo! Helios doth mark
His journey’s middle and the sights do not lend
Themselves eyes.
Companion1
Yea and legs do not lend themselves step.
Waste not thy movement on thy tongue
But to put one afront another, it is prudent.
Traveler
Mine movements are wasted not, once ours start.
Haste, the gates are not stayed for our comfort.
Scene 2
The party checks into the hotel
Traveler
‘SBlood t’were one to find a bestowment more
Accommodating a closet, one could not.
Marry you doth find a closet to be of fine comfit,
Or t’is custom to live as hobbits?
Companion2
T’is most unfortunate, but it is not my contrivement
To have landed us in this situation.
Traveler
That is well, but it nary make well this
Tiny toilet which takes two steps from shower
To porcelain chair. Or that the door could not
Keep its privacy. Or the still air to be moved
Only by exposing opening for which any
Stranger may take as access?
Companion2
O your mouth is want for a lid.
Equip thee for this tour so we can leave
Most presently, the sight of thy open mouth-cave
Makes not the room any less sufferable.
Scene 3
The party is at the London bridge (or is it?)
Traveler
Drink thine eyes in this, perhaps
The most distinguishing of sites in England.
Now we can say, aye I have seen the London Bridge
A most impressive sight it makes.
Companion1
Indeed if it were the London bridge
We could say thus and be right.
Traveler
What have you to say now?
Companion1
This, the colour in thine eyes are painted
In falsehoods and ignorant platitudes that
Blind have you become to even the most
Catching markings. Look here! T’is not the
London bridge you give thine eyes but the Tower Bridge.
Traveler
You see with clearer eyes, my friend.
I will hold to heart thy precepts, to
Thicken the bark of my conscience
To the gossip’s axe.
Companion1
It will serve thee well.
Let us fly to the palace with winged feet.
Scene 4
The party arrives at Buckingham palace
Traveler
We have come with more haste than warrant’d.
We can make the postponement
Less burdensome if we place our backs
Against the walls of the font.
What for the art of comedy,
Fortune or circumstance are left
Wanting of a just explanation
To the returning event of
Meeting one’s fellow countryman
In a foreign land.
Cast thy eyes over yonder,
And find thee the sight to complement
The hearings of the ear.
Companion1
So it is. But to list his speech
One would find more comedy.
Embarressingly Stereotypical Singaporean
Do you know Chi comes from the ground.
I teach you lah. You put your legs like that,
Then you focus the Chi from the ground
Into the different parts of your body.
Your hands, your legs. Can you feel or not?
Assumed Son of ESS
A little bit. Liddat arh?
Traveler
Methinks we shall hold vigil elsewheres.
The traveler and companions move to the gates of the palace.
Companion1
Ah, the pipers make their joyous entrance.
T’is strange. A pomp ceremony of equal
craft is many times more artful when removed
from native soil.
Traveler
It must be something in the air to
Hold it so. It clouds the brain and colours
The sky an even deeper blue.
To which doctors have no herb.
But if it were, to be of little virtue
For it is not for remedies to make less well.
Scene 5
The party visits Madamn Tussaud’s wax museum
Traveler
These shadows of man made solid
Worries mine bones, too lifelike they look
Yet lack any quality of it, t’is as a man bereft
Of all soul is left transfixed in his gaze of
Unseen things.
Companion1
T’is the deceit of fame and a trick of the mind
Endears it to men, what is to an elephant grace.
More comfort is to be found in lies than honesty
Such is it in life, this is but an addition.
Traveler
Marry, as if the horror of the soulless
Was not proof enough, a darkened set
Of hell is put aside for our perusal.
O damn this useless pride, for which
We are bound, it directs us there.
Companion1
Come now, dalliance defaults not our doom.
Traveler
In less harrowing, a darkened room
With the accompaniment of shieking
Tender blossoms of women would be
A pleasure, but fright is a dumb bride.
Oh Good Lord
Methinks a zombie doth approach.
AHHHhhhhhhHHHHhhh!
Weeeeeeeellll. That’s all the time we have tonight.
So Ladies and Gentlemen, Its goodnight from me.
We’ll leave you with tonight’s cocktail recipe
“Milky white thighs of a sweaty trucker with an Australian accent”
For this you’ll need.
A finger of whiskey
A spattering of vodka
A dash of lime
A raw egg
Some full cream milk
And Hugh Jackman
Please Mr. Music will you play?
Soupy Twist.
No comments:
Post a Comment