Better late than never

Do not worry, my throngs of hot, intellectual teenage girl readers, I am not dead. Although I am not entirely certain that it would not be a more accommodating alternative.

I say readers but I sometimes wonder if anyone actually consistently reads my posts, I know people are visiting my blog, that little counter on the side tells me that by increasing in agonizingly slow rates every time I go check on it, which I try to limit to once a day because that’s all the bruising my ego can take.

I get so pathetically excited every time there is a little spike in page visits, one might make the mistake of assuming I was looking at my stock portfolio.
The thing is, once you sieve out the anomalous jumps in traffic, as any judicious statistician should, we are left with overwhelming evidence that my readership could very well consist of just one person.

Now, whether that one person is a hot, intellectual teenage girl, there is no way of telling from the statistics but if you are and you are reading this now, I would just like to say I enjoy stimulating intellectual conversations, one would likely find bands like Grizzly Bear and Animal Collective playing on my portable music playing device at the moment and I like movies like Here and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I am sure you will find a way to contact me if you are interested to go have a coffee together sometime or catch a movie or something, my resourceful little pet.

Ahem.

Well, the other alternative, which I do not find as appealing, is that I am somehow sleep-reading my blog, probably as a defense mechanism of my sub-conscious to protect my delicate ego. Naturally, the somnolent visits to my blog would be kept to a minimum, one would not want to inflate the ego, just as it is obvious that an inflated balloon is easier to burst.

The numbers are so incidental, that they can almost be entirely attributed to people who were looking for the meaning of the word ‘mellifluous’.
Meanwhile obtuse teenage girls whose blogs consists of whiny posts about how their friends didn’t notice that they had their hair trimmed, get more traffic than this blog just because they have pictures taken of themselves from a high angle with a slightly confused or constipated expression or because they have more than one friend.

I also suspect that a substantial amount of traffic is made up of boys who, thoroughly misguided by some bizarre logic, believe that reading the girl’s blog would increase their chances of being allowed to put their pork sausages into the girl’s meat canoe.
Euphemisms!

I suppose I can tell you why I haven’t been posting as regularly as I wish I could.
My stack of schoolwork have seemed to gain aspirations of beating Everest, and through some strange and arbitrary reason I feel obligated to actually defeat their purpose by completing them because I am in my final semester. This is not helped by their deadlines overlapping the common tests and the holidays.
In fact, I really should be doing work right now.

Also the seasonal flu as it is wont, has befallen the host at the most inconvenient time. Just as I passed the phase of coughing up phlegm into basins, my throat is now wanting of lubrication, it feels as if it was scrubbed with steel wool. It is not the most favourable physical state to be in for studying when you are keenly aware of every dust particle that you breathe in.

On a separate note.
God, I hate whiny blog posts, don’t you?