Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Fly Swatting with Prof Dick

Here’s something I read in the newspapers.


“Over the past two decades, Professor Michael Dickinson has been interviewed by reporters hundreds of times about his research on the biomechanics on insect flight”


While it is very comforting that some researchers devote their time to things other than curing cancer or solving world hunger and shit. Still, two decades? That’s kind of a really long time to be filming insects, which is basically what he does according to the article.


Over the years many reporters have asked him questions like, “ Why the fuck don’t you get a real job?” or “Do you have some weird fetish for insects? you creep” and “Why did your parents think it was a good idea to stick with the name Dickinson?”


To which Professor Dick replies “Why don’t you all go stick a carrot up your arse?”


That is not to say he does not have something to show for it.


After two decades, Prof Dick has managed to answer the age old question of why is it so hard to swat a fly.


The answer? Because they move away. No really, that’s the answer.


He calls it, “Visually mediated motor planning in the escape response of drosophila”.


The whole thing is really just a long-winded way of saying that when a fly sees a swatter coming to squash the life out of it, decides that it would rather live than die and proceeds to move out of the way.


Oh and I checked drosophila means flies.


Any reasonable human being that is not retarded would realise from reading this that prof dick is running an elaborate con, but he gets away with it by using big words and wearing a white coat.


Come on are people so ignorant or thick to not see this?

Well now you know.


Now please excuse me, I have some very important work regarding the stimulation of the turgid form of a previously flaccid bodily part containing cavernous tissue when that tissue becomes dilated with blood with one or two terminal parts of the forelimb.

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