Pop goes the King of Pop

The king of pop is dead.

Today as news of the death of Michael Jackson spread across the globe, a collective sigh of exasperation was released as thousands of stand up comics had to rewrite half their sets because it suddenly became inappropriate to make a joke about Wacko Jacko, as the media so lovingly called him, for at least half a year.

The sigh was quickly followed by the sound of multitudes of pens and pencils crossing out jokes on whatever comics write their jokes on. (I write them on the inside of my boxer shorts)

Shortly after that, a subtly different sound of the same writing instruments could be heard rewriting the jokes because Michael Jackson was kind of weird and it is okay to make fun of weird people as long as you follow up with a joke about yourself being weird but not quite as weird.

Picture of normalcy

Michael will be remembered for his indelible legacy on music, with such songs as the ultimate wanker anthem “Beat It”.

BEEEeeeeaaaaatttttt IIIIITTTTTtttt!!! JUST BBEEaaat IIIITtt!!

Although this legacy is somewhat mired by several controversies, such as the whole ‘moonwalk’ incident where he was accused of stealing credit of inventing the moonwalk from Neil Armstrong, the case was eventually settled out of court.

Also recent accusations of child molestation greatly denigrated his charitable reputation, his lawyers put forth the defense that it was just a misunderstanding and that Michael was merely trying to help the children like that big guy from the movie Green Mile.

However a report from the Department of Pseudo-Sciences have released a statement expressing their incredulity regarding the pop star’s death, saying that “ You can’t kill what is already dead”, probably in reference to the music video for ‘Thriller’, which the department claims was an attempt to supplant subversive thoughts into the minds of youth by portraying the undead as “hip” and “cool”.

Undead?

In related news, North Korea has declared that the country will cease all nuclear and missile activities as a sign of respect for the Moonwalker, “until the US has time to grieve for their great loss”.

Iran has also announced a week of mourning.