Verbosity

While having one of those conversations with my mum, which involves my mum spouting a stream of words only stopping occasionally to allow her brain some time to catch up and me not caring much about what she has to say only listening enough to respond at appropriate intervals with various grunts, I heard her using the line, “Your verbosity is beyond my comprehension”.

Apparently, her lecturer back in her JC days, taught the class this retort which he or she no doubt thought to be quite clever against someone sesquipedalian. This left a somewhat profound impression on the students, many of them I’m sure thought of this phrase as some sort of magic incantation that would instantly win arguments.

I have heard this phrase being used by my mother a couple of times throughout my life, and it never really bothered me until my vocabulary had improved to such a state that I can see that that phrase is load of sweaty bollocks.

Firstly, the lecturer has totally misunderstood the meaning of verbosity. To be verbose is to have the tendency to speak or write at length, it does not suggest that the person uses any long or obscure words. So unless the subject has written or spoken with such prolix that your brain can no longer take it and has turned to liquid and is attempting to escape through your ear canals, then the use of that phrase would be appropriate.

Secondly, this statement has no pedagogical value, in fact I would say that this is instead damaging to a person’s education, because now the students have such a convenient excuse for being ignorant, that they would hardly care to expand their vocabulary.

Thirdly, this is probably one of the worst comebacks I have ever heard. It is the equivalent of saying that you are an ignorant git and walking out of the argument because you don’t like that fact that your opponent has a better vocabulary than you do. This is not at all how one should conduct oneself in an argument, unless you are French.

Here are a few better alternatives to that retort.

“Oh yea? Funny you should say that cuz your mom told me the opposite last night when I was shaggin her”

“I wonder, is the use of really long words an overcompensation for something?”

“What’s that? I got distracted by how ugly your face is, you might want to get some surgery done I know a good doctor.”

“While you were busying reading a thesaurus last night, I was out having sex with your girlfriend, here she left her panties at my place.”

“WELL FUCK YOU!”