So this is Christmas...

Despite what many Christians would smugly point out in that annoyingly condescending tone they are particularly fond of employing, Christmas is not about the birth of Christ. Those guys don’t even know exactly when that dude is born, the best they could come up with is that the date is nine months from when he was supposed to be conceived, which I find to be arbitrary and very creepy.

So I went for Christmas mass today and for those who have never been, it can be described as a massive gathering of people to share in communal goodwill with storytelling and lots of karaoke, so it’s a kind of a Christian seventh month then. Actually that makes it sound more fun than it really is. Like most Christmas themed entertainment it is nauseatingly maudlin and just dull really.

It strikes me as a really tenuous cause for celebration though, the birth of the illegitimate spawn of the invisible man and a woman who claims to have never had sex.

And it is amusing how all that goodwill gets left behind in the church just as the mass is over and everybody tries to drive out of a packed carpark while forcing themselves not to use the horn because it’s Christmas.

No, I’m not even talking about that old tired dictum about how Christmas has become commercialized.
Sex has long been commercialized, in fact it is widely accepted that prostitution is the oldest profession, but it doesn’t make it any less enjoyable.

So what is it about then? Sharing, caring and all that good stuff? Friends and family? Whatever, I see them enough the rest of the year.

No, Christmas is a holiday. It is a holiday where people exchange gifts but not only that, it just so happens that I am of an age when it is acceptable for me not to give anything while at the same time expect to be given lots of shiny new things.

It is also the time for feasting, a time of smoked salmon, smoked hams, on occasions sushi and whatever else anyone feels like bringing. Here as with the gifts, I am at a fortunate situation where to all these feasting there isn’t attached any worry about whether my finances can afford these for years to come or expend any concern with regards to my waistline or health.

So, Christmas is good to me and I am going to enjoy it guilt-free for as long as my selfish adolescent mind will let me. To anyone who thinks this to be inconsiderate and contrary to what Christmas is all about, all I have to say is, you are living life all wrong, my loves.

Thanks for reading and have a Merry Merry Christmas while you still can, Jesus would have wanted it this way.