'allo, wot's all t'is then?

Heh. What do you know, turns out huffing paint thinner is actually bad for the brain… or something. I can’t remember. I seem to be forgetting a lot of stuff these days.

Anyways since getting high off industrial chemicals is bad for the old noodle, and that’s all I have really, I’m not female (in case anyone was wondering) so I can’t just take pictures of myself (they don’t even have to be salacious in nature, thems are suckers, those boys) and expect to see the hits come pouring in.

So then.

Readers of newspapers would no doubt have seen letters from the general public being published in a dedicated section usually called a forum, you know they are not written by actual journalists because they are usually frivolous in nature and have the quality of a secondary school homework assignment run through a word processor and with some big words thrown in just to make absolutely sure to readers that the writer has a better vocabulary than someone who does not know how to use a dictionary.

Well, I have taken it upon myself to reply to some of these senders of letters. Mostly because I haven’t thought of anything else to write an update about, and my blog seems to give off this weird fishy smell when I leave it alone for too long.

Today’s punching bag comes courtesy of one Arlene Mandia. Why, Hello Arlene, it is nice of you to have written your letter which I would in the ensuing few paragraphs make a few cutting remarks about and dismissively declare to be asinine spittle wiped off from the frothing mouth of a woman infected by rabies by one of the thirteen cats she lives with, on a used tissue and sent to the newspaper, which in turn published it because nothing else fitted in that small space between the advertisements.

Oh dear, In the expulsion of all that pent up bile, I seem to have forgotten that the purpose of the letter that Arlene sent was to decry the use of the word ‘hello’ in a sarcastic manner.

I am SO sorry then, Arlene. So so so SO sorry. So sorry indeed that right now as I am typing, hot, wet streams of tears have spouted from my tear ducts and makes a pool of condensed regret on my keyboard.



Couldn’t help myself.

My my, Arlene, either you live in a world of politeness and graciousness, where people always engage in pleasantries and speak with candor. That, or perhaps where you come from the people there are such masters of subtle sarcasm that any hint of which would escape your feeble mind and so be misinterpreted as geniality. Or a third and the most likely possibility is that you’re a fucking idealistic tard.

While living in a utopia, of rainbows and unicorns, of adventure and wonder, where people talk like characters in the Lord of the Rings, where people of nobility and rectitude dwell in quaint houses where dinner parties are often held and everyone has opinions about wine and its accompaniment of food, which they drink with their pinkies stuck out as a sign of sophistication. All this sounds very attractive and if I could I would rather live in that fantasy world than this decaying shit-hole of a world we humans fucked up and are now trying to put it back together as best we can with scotch tape and chewed up gum.

And who wouldn’t want to?

It seems so easy when you put it on paper. The only thing that needs to be done is to make everyone realise that a peaceful, civil world can be achieved by wanting it and to start acting like we live in that fantasy land.

After all, who doesn’t want world peace, amiright?

Well, the problem really is that no one is ever one thing. It is inevitable to categorise people and form stereotypes because that is how we evolved, by assigning everything we see into broad categories we were able to learn and pass information amongst ourselves quickly and efficiently, this was useful when we had to decide whether a saber-toothed cat was something to cuddle up to or to avoid as death. This, however, has an undesirable effect when it comes to describing more nuanced ideas such as an ideal or a personality. What we end up with is flash cards like the guy in the movie memento, only taking snapshots of a particular person at a particular time and remembering only the most important things about them that is most relevant to oneself.

But I am starting to digress.

What I mean is no one person can dictate how a culture shapes itself, however much it may irk us. You don’t like the way people use the word ‘hello’, well tough titty, the people who are forced to serve you because it is their job to, probably find you to be a sanctimonious wanker, and they can’t even take the moral high ground and write to a newspaper to complain about the way people expect them to have no other emotion except the most noblest of joys that they get from satisfying your every need and fancy.

One last thing, the feeling of goodness is not intrinsic to the word itself. But more to the person hearing it and whatever one might interpret it to mean. Maybe if people behaved in a way that does not warrant the sarcastic use of the word ‘hello’ then such a practice would cease.

But such are the days we live in that we cannot or would not afford the time and courtesy to step into someone elses’ shoes and take on anothers’ perspective so that some sort of tacit understanding could be reached and act like the civilized people we like to think we are.

The Divine Stupidity

[I'm reading The Divine Comedy right now, a classic epic poem written my some long dead person called Dante Alighieri. I am of course not as egotistical to think that my inane post can compare to his work. However I can't think of anything else to write about right now.]


Now as we reached the edge of the chasm,
A foul stench filtered up our nostrils,
So we would be forgiven even by the punctilious,

For our language which matched the stench’s foulness.
Let not the amorphous glob that seems to take delight,
At sitting next to me on long bus rides on humid days,

Boast any longer that he may curl back anyone’s eyelashes,
Through the power of his repulsive body odour alone.
The source of the foul stench was revealed to us,

When after we had gotten used to it,
(as much as one can get used to having sweaty
Gym socks filled with rotten eggs shoved into where

One would normally bring to summer flowers)
As we ventured to peer over the ledge.
There, at the bottom were multitudes of shades,

Bloated to a point where it seemed,
A slight prick would force them to yield
Their innards in an explosive fashion.

Sensing my disgusted confusion,
My knowing guide spoke, “these shades
Are punished for the sin of gourmet dining,

Where in life, they have forced a goose,
To eat more than it would ever need.
So too are these shade forced into their bloated forms.

Behold! how the great wisdom has meted his righteous justice,
These shades cannot stop feasting on each other’s livers,
Even as their own is being consumed.”

And I intrigued, entreated my guide to converse with the sinners.
We climbed down the craggy precipice where it sloped.
And at once, a shade in between stuffing his face spoke,

“who is this that roam this hopeless realm unmolested?
Are you a servant of the fell one?”
And I, “Nay, I am but a writer of a blog,
I am on a journey to reach the heights,

Where one can attain the most glorious
Of all prizes, the prize of internet fame.
Tell me, disgusting blob, have you a name?”

“I take umbrage at thy insulting remark,
If my legs have not been crushed under my enormous frame,
And I could control my irresistible urge to eat this man’s liver,

I would do more than this, but alas!
That isn’t so, therefore a Fuck You would have to suffice.”
“I apologise I am merely in shock at your

Gelatinous form. Pray tell me your name.”
And the sinner replied, “When my body still drew breath,
I was known throughout the land as Anthony Bourdain.

I earned fame as a host of a travel show
Where I roamed the world in search of food
To stuff my face in, as my show grew in popularity,

So did my feasting, as I was trapped,
In a vicious cycle, trying to one-up myself.
Now in death I am forced with my fellow sinners

To gorge ourselves on each other’s livers,
As we have gorged ourselves on the livers
Of the divine will’s flightful creations.

The taste of our rotting carcasses bring not pleasure
But nausea and so we expel what we cannot keep down.
And yet our mouths cannot stop their invidious endeavour.”

And I having heard what that odious shade had to say,
Spake these words, “My, this would make a good update for my blog.”

shaking hands with mr.tomkinson

Unless you are agoraphobic or blind (how the hell are you reading this blog?) then you would have probably seen this rather contentious advertisement of a new Burger King sandwich.

Here is the ad of questionable taste (I don’t eat posters so i wouldn't know)




Pffffttt…. I’ve seen way worse, but then again those weren't ads.

Also its obvious Burger King didn’t do their market research, 7-inches? We are Asians man, that’s too big. (I meant the sandwich, you sick fucks)

The reason there has been such a commotion about it, is because it apparently references the act of fellatio. Or a blow-job for those not familiar with porno lexicon. An article in Life section of the Straits Times also said that the woman was made to look like a blow up doll, am I lagging behind my “blow up dolls monthly” magazine delivery? Because I’ve never seen such a realistic blow up doll before, Britney looks really plasticky and her boobs look like pyramid shaped balloons stapled to her chest, maybe its time I upgraded.

When I saw the ad before this whole thing blew up, I got the innuendo right away but then I just chalked that up to me being a dirty minded, emotionally immature teenager, turns out there’s a lot of us.

In the article a father of a 19 year old son said he found the ad to be vulgar and is surprised to find it at a place where teenagers hang out.
HAHA.
Dude, your son has seen stuff 10 times more vulgar than this ad, and he saw those things on something called the Internet, lots of teenagers hang out there, you might want to check it out. Just stay away from the furries.

I think it’s stupid for parents to think that this ad would pervert the minds of their precious, innocent little children. If your child is really pure of thought, he/she would never not make the connection of eating a sandwich with a sex act. (unless he/she is seriously fucked up then they should be kept in a mental facility)
And if he/she thought “Hurhur blowjob” when they saw the ad, then chances are they have seen worse, and the ad would not do anything to further your child’s perversion.

This calling for the ad to be banned from parents is nothing but to save them from embarrassment and from the realization that their child has become sexually aware. There seems to be a sort of stigma when it comes to children and sex, which is ironic since one is the product of the other. And in a relatively conservative country like Singapore, the way people deal with it is to shut it out. The thing is you cannot protect your children forever, eventually some jerk diver is going to capture your offspring to be a gift for his niece and both of you would have to go through many adventures before realizing that it is all a part of growing up. Wait I’m thinking of something else.

Besides there are way more suggestive ads than this, take for instance shampoo ads and that detergent ad with all the chicks participating in a wet t-shirt contest in a washing machine.

Take these for example.



That’s quite a handful, you must have really long hair or something.




And the ever popular shower scene, what a tease.

This might be the worst of the worst. Starts out innocently enough, then the girl starts making orgasm faces and bouncing up and down around 40 seconds deep(into the video).



Have fun jerkin' off, freaks.

I'm so happy, I'm almost........

I refer to an article (am I being professional yet?) published in the new paper on Sunday 19 July 20, 2009, regarding Dr Thio Li-ann’s defence of her stand on same sex marriage in Singapore.

[I can’t find the article online so I will just type out excerpts of the article in question, also i assume you are familiar with the topic]

In the article she says “My objection is not to gay people, it is towards the nature of the homosexual political agenda and the vicious and degrading tactics of some activists (like insults and death threats)”.

Firstly, what exactly is the homosexual political agenda? Are there any gay political parties that have just come out (haha, pun) that I did know of?
If she is referring to the abolishment of the law prohibiting gay sex, as I have said before this is obviously a case of the ignorant wanting to remain ignorant, the abolishment of the law would not cause any sort of moral degradation or sudden proliferation of homosexuals.

Secondly, if you can read past the rhetoric, you see that there is no credence to her argument. All Dr Thio is saying is, I don’t want the law criminalizing gay sex to be removed, it’s not that I have something against gay people, it’s just that I don’t like the way some of them talk to me.

This is equivalent to saying that all women are bitches because this one lady told me off just because I wanted more syrup in my soybean milk. And because my experience with one person is indicative of the entire female population, I deem they should all wear muzzles to stop them from spewing their vitriolic venom.

Perhaps more tellingly, Dr Thio later contradicted herself in the same article when she implied that a dissident who called for her to be disallowed from teaching about human rights in NYU to be totalitarian.

“Let’s be tolerant but not tolerate whom we consider intolerant. That is totalitarianism by any other name.”

You said it, sister. *COUGH*Hypocrite*COUGH*

We are the World

Something i want to add to my post yesterday.
Despite all the high tech visual effects and a story about transforming robots, the transformers movie is horribly outdated.

Why do i say that?

Notice the slight dig at Obama in the movie? You don't see the president in the movie at all but he does appoint an annoying prick whose job it seems is to make life hard for the people that just wants to shoot at giant robots.

I mean really Obama?
Diplomacy? Dialogue? Peaceful resolutions? ppppfffffftttt.
That's for pussies, man!

Here in AMERICA we solve problems by shooting at it in the face! or crotch depending on how we feel that day. And Explosions! Nothing is more satisfying then seeing stuff disintegrate in a giant fire ball and later we could have a barbeque over the charcoal carcasses of our enemies too. And nukes, we love nukes.

Wait a minute. This is a Bush era movie!
Quick, check if the republicans made Transformers.



In the Transformers, even though the robots fight in many different locations all over the world, it seems only AMERICANS can do anything about them, in fact they are the only people in the world that even seem to know about the transformers. At the final big fight in Egypt the Jordanians sent two helicopters to back up the AMERICANS and got swiftly wiped out by a Decepticon.

PUSSIES, it doesn't matter they would have probably just got in the way of our rippling Biceps. Only the AMERICANS can save the WORLD, so if we skydrop our military in your country just get the fuck out of our way and pray to whatever God you worship to even though it probably wouldn't help as much as our BULLETS!

AMERICA! FUCK YEA!

Review in disgust!

I have a confession to make, when I wrote my mini review for Transformers 2, I did not watch the movie.

But now that I’ve watched it, I think it’s the greatest movie ever made! And all I had to do to enjoy the movie was get a lobotomy.

But lobotomies are expensive I hear you say, well you’re in luck hypothetical reader, because I will now tell you how you can give yourself a lobotomy all in the comforts of your own home!

First, you need to get your hands on a pair of chopsticks or any similar stick like instrument. Next locate the entry point which would be the tear ducts near the bridge of your nose.




Now clutching each chopstick on each hand tightly, insert the sharp end of the chopsticks into the eye, after a few inches you should be able to feel a soft material that is your brain. At this point, you may find yourself losing your motor skills or other bodily function, fret not! This just means its working.

Continue until you hit something hard, this would be the top of your skull.
If your body is not convulsing violently in a seizure, you would have to then move the chopsticks side to side until the soft material turns into liquid.

Congratulations! You have performed a lobotomy on yourself. You can now receive the mentally disabled concession when traveling on public transport, apply for a free stay at a mental facility and enjoy movies like Transformers 2!



this is you

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a 150 minute marathon of Michael Bay masturbating onto the screen. It would have been more appropriate if it was called “CGI Effects: Revenge of the Loud Explosions, slow motion shots of Megan Foxes boobs, Macguffins, motion sickness inducing circle pans of Megan Fox, running, shouting, running and shouting at the same time, bad dialogue, slightly offensive jokes that are about as funny as getting punched in the stomach, bad movie clichés, tits, ass and characters that have as much personality as my blow up sex doll I keep in my closet (for the companionship)”

But I guess that doesn’t roll off the tongue as well, also it probably won’t be able to fit onto a poster.

Unfortunately, this movie isn’t the exception to the rule, if I had to guess what Hollywood think the movie watching audience consisted of it would be, 13 year-old sexless boynerd that has not developed emotionally from burning ants with a magnifying glass and has not had sustained interaction with the opposite sex.

It is a downright insult and I’m sure that I’m not alone right? RIGHT?

Oh crap. 4/5 stars based on 583 user reviews on yahoo?
Here only got 2/5 stars?

That’s It! I now repudiate any connection to humanity, if it means being associated to people like the incoherent spaszoid fredericklewweilong who writes:

This is Cybertron!!!
by fredericklewweilong on 17/07/2009
What I loved most: This year the Best of The Best movie ever!!!
What I really hated: none
This 2rd Transformers movie have finished Optimus have defeated The Fallen but Megatron & Starscream have escaped. The new 3rd Transformers movie will have Unicron the planet-eating, Unicron is a planet-sized Transformers which eats other planets Wow, Megatron will rematting to Galvatron, Air Craft Carrier and will have a lots of new robots both Autobots and Decepticons don't foget to surport Transformers movie!!!

Great. Awesome . Illuminating. Numinous.

Well if anyone wants to join us, some friends and I are going to colonise mars. It’s gonna be sweet, we are going to have movie night every Tuesday, next week is Citizen Kane.

NowHere In Cinemas

Quick! If you have not watched 'HERE' yet, this may be your last chance to catch it.
I have written before how much I loved the film. Also if you intend to go watch it tell them you were sent by Mellifluous Wasteland, maybe if a lot of you reader(s) go watch it they might sent me a keychain or something.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your final chance to catch HERE at The Picturehouse, The Cathay!

The feature film runs for what may be its final week. Don't miss out on Singapore's unique feature film entry to the Directors' Fortnight, Cannes Film Festival 2009, by filmmaker and visual artist Ho Tzu Nyen.

SHOW TIMES:
Saturday 18 July 3:20pm
Sunday 19 July 3:20pm
Monday 20 July 9:20pm

TICKETS AVAILABLE@
- The Cathay box office, 2 Handy Road
- www.cathay.com.sg

Discounts: 12% discount on tickets purchased at box-office only with UOB Visa card

Big shoutouts to all who came and supported. If you have not yet experienced HERE, now is your chance!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Proper update tomorrow, if i can tear myself from the depression of realising how pathetic my life is to write one.

i am sorry, so sorry

No doubt if, anyone that reads this blog(hah) has made use of the MRT recently would have noticed the new reserved seating graphic above.

Well, I am shocked that no one has expressed the utter tastelessness of it.

Let’s see now.

If my interpretation of the graphic is correct. (and I am never wrong, only misunderstood)
Then the seats are to be reserved for: (going clockwise from top left)

A pimp with his pimp cane.

A woman who is being pleasured by a person under her skirt.

A man with a rare physical dysfunction which has caused his penis to grow to such a size that he has to walk with the aid of a crutch and also has to wear a cast over his dickhead to prevent it from abrading against the ground when he walks.

A pedophile.

woody!

Earlier this year, when I was collecting my annual reparation for being related to other people, with what are called ‘red packets’, one in particular caught my eye and I took a picture of it.



I’ve been rather stumped(haha, pun) on what kind of business the alleged ‘wood doctor’ does. The tendency to associate it to erections is certainly inescapable, but I doubt there really is a specialized degree in medical schools for that kind of thing. That logo doesn’t help too, the ‘w’ and ‘d’ look suspiciously like childish depictions of a dick head and a sperm respectively.

The next inclination would be to think that the ‘doctor’ specializes in treating trees, hence the wood. But the problem is, who the fuck cares about their tree so much they have to procure the services of a ‘doctor’ to treat it when it gets ill? And the business would have to be doing pretty damn well too from the looks of the quality of the ‘red packet’, it was printed on real good paper. Not the flimsy ones that stain your fingers red when you touch them, which you know probably only contain two dollars.

It is also kinda ironic that a ‘wood doctor’ would use good paper. You know, what with paper being made out of wood and all. Maybe the ‘doctor’ is some kind of crazy, psychopathic serial tree killer that lures his victims by pretending to be a ‘doctor’? Yes, that seems plausible.

Hold on, I seem to be remembering something.

*Checks spam email folder*

Oh. That’s why it looks so familiar.

OH MY GOD! Spam is real?!!!

Oh all the wasted years! For so long I have searched for ways to ‘increase my girth and length and pleasure your woman!’ and the solution was right in my spam folder all the while.

Ahem, not that I need it.

Verbosity

While having one of those conversations with my mum, which involves my mum spouting a stream of words only stopping occasionally to allow her brain some time to catch up and me not caring much about what she has to say only listening enough to respond at appropriate intervals with various grunts, I heard her using the line, “Your verbosity is beyond my comprehension”.

Apparently, her lecturer back in her JC days, taught the class this retort which he or she no doubt thought to be quite clever against someone sesquipedalian. This left a somewhat profound impression on the students, many of them I’m sure thought of this phrase as some sort of magic incantation that would instantly win arguments.

I have heard this phrase being used by my mother a couple of times throughout my life, and it never really bothered me until my vocabulary had improved to such a state that I can see that that phrase is load of sweaty bollocks.

Firstly, the lecturer has totally misunderstood the meaning of verbosity. To be verbose is to have the tendency to speak or write at length, it does not suggest that the person uses any long or obscure words. So unless the subject has written or spoken with such prolix that your brain can no longer take it and has turned to liquid and is attempting to escape through your ear canals, then the use of that phrase would be appropriate.

Secondly, this statement has no pedagogical value, in fact I would say that this is instead damaging to a person’s education, because now the students have such a convenient excuse for being ignorant, that they would hardly care to expand their vocabulary.

Thirdly, this is probably one of the worst comebacks I have ever heard. It is the equivalent of saying that you are an ignorant git and walking out of the argument because you don’t like that fact that your opponent has a better vocabulary than you do. This is not at all how one should conduct oneself in an argument, unless you are French.

Here are a few better alternatives to that retort.

“Oh yea? Funny you should say that cuz your mom told me the opposite last night when I was shaggin her”

“I wonder, is the use of really long words an overcompensation for something?”

“What’s that? I got distracted by how ugly your face is, you might want to get some surgery done I know a good doctor.”

“While you were busying reading a thesaurus last night, I was out having sex with your girlfriend, here she left her panties at my place.”

“WELL FUCK YOU!”

Why F1 is actually pretty cool

There was a time when I, being the cynical supercilious bastard that I am, did not consider Formula One racing as much of a sport.
It was just a bunch of cars driving round in fancy circles pretty quickly, I observed while sipping Brunello di Montalcino from a diamond chalice.
It’s not much different from looking out at a busy road, what soulless joy could be derived from that?

The sense of speed is not well translated onto a television screen without the use of dramatic camera angles and clever editing as human beings mostly get a sense of speed through the movement of fluid in the inner ear.
Watching cars race on a television screen while lying supine on a couch, fingers stained orange with cheetos dust, does not do much to stimulate the inner ear, so what appeal could F1 have that makes it one of the more successful spectator sport in the world?

Not until one lazy weekend having exhausted all other forms of distraction I could think of and switching through the channels on the old goggle box did it finally come to me.

F1 is in fact a subtle allegation to sex.

As most people would agree the most exciting part of any F1 race is the high speed crashes, pieces of car is strewn upon the tarmac with the occasional chance of flames to liven things up, it is the unpronounced desire of every driver stuck in traffic fulfilled in full orgasmic fashion, and the drivers usually get away with their limbs attached so there’s no need to deal with the messy stain of guilt.

But wait! I hear you say, if that’s all there is would it not be easier to watch the highlights of every race, to this I reply ‘foreplay’.

Once one comes to this understanding, the implications to reality can be staggeringly poignant.

Usually, crashes happen near the start of every race, with the remainder of the race spent trying to get back into a situation where another crash would likely occur. These situations may come teasingly close to yielding that excitement of the start but many times this would not come to fruition. Occasionally, one must stop to refuel. In the end, the people involved are left exhausted, and drenched in sweat at times shedding up to one kilogram in bodyweight, and when it is time for celebrations one would spray foaming liquid at each other.

When look at in this light, F1 is a piercing reflection of life as all art should be.
And this is why F1 is actually pretty cool.

Famous!

Oh my dear readers, this is rather a cliché, but I have bad news and I have good news.
Before I further elucidate, I must say that it has been a wonderful pleasure to have written articles to a largely imagined audience in hopes that it would bring about if not some entertainment then at least to provide a distraction to your otherwise mundane sad lives.

While that is so, it would be mendacious to say that I would be dreading what comes next. This is, my dears, the bad news.

You see, I’m famous now.

Remember that rather delightful review I wrote for the film ‘Here”?
Well it turns out that the director himself has personally emailed his thanks.

Oh before I forget. I’m supposed to put this up.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

We are delighted to announce that HERE will continue its run at The
Picturehouse, The Cathay.

Screening times @ The Picturehouse (tickets available from Wednesday
evening, 8 July)

Saturday 11/7 - 3.20pm
Sunday 12/7 - 3.20pm
Monday 13/7 - 9.40pm

To those who have seen the film, thank you and do help to spread the word!

For those who have not yet experienced HERE - don't miss out on
Singapore's unique feature film entry to the Directors' Fortnight,
Cannes Film Festival 2009, by filmmaker and visual artist Ho Tzu Nyen!

Come experience this singular cinematographic adventure that has got
everyone talking!

TICKETING DETAILS

I. Tickets available at
- The Cathay box office, 2 Handy Road, level 5
- www.cathay.com.sg

2. Discounts:
- 12% discount on tickets purchased at box-office only with UOB Visa card.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


(Before anyone asks, no I haven’t been paid to plug this film, although it would have been nice to, really I would have been happy with a signed poster too)

In light of my new found fame, I can no longer expect to sit in front of my laptop, staring at the screen hoping for an idea for an update, without soon being hustled to, what I do not doubt to be the most happening parties and social events.

Yes, I expect I had better get used to sipping fine wines, driving fast cars, confabulating with other famous people about how to spend our money, having scandalous affairs with beautiful actresses, dancing on tables and getting thoroughly pissed and passing out in a gutter, all the while being photographed by the paparazzi. This is the good news, hopefully you can find it in your heart of hearts to feel happy for me, but I know the stinging prick of inferiority can often lead to resentment towards us famous types.

Yep, any time now, my doorbell will ring and a smartly dressed elderly caucasian man with a british accent would be there to whisk me away into my new lifestyle of opulence and hedonism.

Yep, aaannnyyy time now…..

No Homo

From the front page of ‘Today’, Monday July 6, 2009.

Law minister K Shanmugam, in a dialogue session at Punggol Central Division the day before said Singaporeans were “not ready” for laws criminalizing homosexuality to be repealed.

According to Mr Shanmugam, “There is a group that is actively commited to saying that homosexuality is okay, but probably a majority of Singaporeans are still very conservative and say that this is totally not acceptable. So, the Government has to respect both sides.”

How is this respecting both sides when the decision clearly favours one over the other?
Could it be that the Government is afraid to make a decision that it knows will most likely result in a backlash from the conservatives in Singapore?

Mr Shanmugam continues, saying that the government must “be careful about being ahead of public opinion, if the majority of the population is against homosexuality, then it’s not for the government to say we are going to force something against the wishes of the people”.

That statement is quite obviously just an excuse. I don’t remember that it was the ‘wish of the people’ to raise the GST and yet it still happened, could the government be practicing *gasp* double standards?
And does the government not pride itself on its practicality and the sagacity of its leaders? Has it not been said that the government should for the better of the community introduce laws that might not be popular with the people?

The repeal of this law that bans homosexual acts, would admittedly only benefit a small community in Singapore, but lifting the ban would also not cause a sudden proliferation of homosexuality in Singapore. Are we going to let the unfounded fears of the majority intrude on the rights of the minority to live their lives the way they want to, just so the conservative community can carry on living with their eyes closed, hands over their ears going lalalalalalala.

If the government allows the majority to pressure it not to change a law because in doing so it might result in some kind of social upheaval, then I say that the government has succumbed to terrorism.

we are doomed, doomed i say!

Here’s a bonus post this weekend because I didn’t want to bog down my (amateurish) review of ‘Here’ with frivolous gripes.

Had I not been swayed by the cosmic forces to look at movie listings at yahoo, I would not have had the good fortune of watching a great movie that happened to be directed by a Singaporean who isn’t Jack Neo.

This bugs me because while the movie had little to no promotion, the asian youth Olympics that is going on has a dedicated channel on cable, huge print and television advertising and even posters in polytechnics.

And the worst part is people would rather watch the asian youth Olympic games than one of the greatest movies to have been produced by a local talent. The director of the film was born in Singapore, not a hand-me-down citizen from some other country.

Watching the games is about as enriching is watching someone cross the road.
If I wanted to people running I could go to a stadium or a playground. If I wanted to see people in skin tight outfits I have the internet.

Its just such a shame to realise that as a nation we have yet to evolve culturally past the level of a pimply adolescent whose favourite show is icarly and favourite band is the jonas brothers.
(I felt I should be slitting my wrists when I wrote that.)

Also before the movie start there was this anti-piracy advertisement which entire premise was that pirating movies would cause the downfall of the cinema.
I fear the future would be much bleaker if we continue down this crooked path, I see instead a future where shitty blockbuster movies like “transformers” and “Hannah Montana: make your parents spend money tour” would flood the screens, reducing the population to Paris Hilton clones and boys that run around going pewpew while gesticulating wildly with their finger guns.

Bonus review! Transformers!

There is fighting robots that go wakwakwakwakwak when they transform and there are explosions! And shia le beef was running and running occasionally stopping to shout at somebody. And that is basically it, oh and there was megan fox.

Here, a review

Today I watched the best movie I’ve watched in a long time.
And it was made by a Singaporean!

I realise that the above statement might come across as a little condescending but when one thinks of a ‘Singaporean’ movie one inevitably thinks of Jack Neo flicks.
And the thing about Jack Neo is that he’s been making the same movie for the last decade or so.
(I’m using my professional voice here, if I was using my obnoxiously cynical voice the above statement would read more like, “Jack Neo has been squeezing the same shit out of his ass for the last decade or so and it’s stinking up the local movie scene”.)

So I was pleasantly surprised to find that when one digs deep enough in the cesspool of our local movie industry, one might find, albeit rarely, a true gem.

The movie I’m talking about is Here, a film by Ho Tzu Nyen. It would be unfair to say this is a good Singaporean movie because it just a great movie period.

In fact, I’d have to say ITS FUCKIN’ BRILLIANT.

On the surface, the movie is about a man’s time in a mental asylum. That alone makes it more interesting than 95% of any local film that has screened on our island.

But the thing that makes it FUCKIN’ BRILLIANT is the almost seamless weaving of the narrative and the filmography. One suspects if one is indeed part of the movie. This blurring of what real and (I hate to say this) reel is at once uncomforting and stimulating.

The pacing of the movie allows the audience time to contemplate the plot and it implications without dragging its feet.

It is reminiscent of my other favourite movies like Memento and Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, where the medium of film is really pushed to its full potential to tell a story as only a movie can.

This is what a good movie should be and a milestone in Singapore film-making.

It is rather sad that it only has a limited release in Singapore, what with all the talk of supporting the local art talents, this film seems destined to be overshadowed by the asian youth games and Jack Neo’s fat arse.

I implore you, readers, if you are lucky enough to be in the situation to be able to watch this film, please do, if not to see a great film then at least to support the Singapore movie industry.

Writer's block: Cop out, episode 1

I am having writer's block, so here's an old short story i wrote.


An indicator on his left flashed amber signaling that the hyperdrive was in standby.
Danny looked up from the controls, "When you're done with that, make sure the coordinates are right." He tried to control his voice so that it wouldn't betray his excitement.

"Why do we have to go so far just to eat anyways?" Ben said without trying to conceal his irritation.

"Because! It's the best in this galaxy, I really hate to have to explain this so many times so just shut up! Have you checked those coordinates yet?"

Some kind of grunt came from Ben's direction, Danny had heard it many times before.
"Make sure u get it right, we don't want to end up in a star"

Almost yelling now, Ben replied "Oh! would you please let it go already, it was so long ago and it wasn't all my fault."

A smile had started to form on Danny's lips, satisfaction of knowing that he held the upper hand and that now Ben would shut up too.

Silence.

Moments later the ship would travel faster than the speed of light, covering over several lightyears in a matter of minutes.
The thrill of traveling so fast was long since lost on Danny and he sat strapped to his seat looking at the latest spaceboy magazine.

When the ship finally slowed down enough to orbit perseus-4 in a teasing dance of sorts, Ben appeared from the maintenance hatch.

"This better be as good as you say it is." the voice noticeably less annoyed now.
The jumps always seem to calm Ben down, Danny wondered if he had a magazine with him too.

"Yea of course it is, I bet by the time we are done feasting on those perseus grubs, you would wonder how you could ever doubt me."

Danny smiled but only half-heartedly. He seemed to be remembering something but can't quite put his finger on it, he decided to ignore it and let it come back to him later, that always works he thought.

They were on the surface of perseus-4 now, when they were within sight of the restaurant, Danny suddenly spoke, "Oh fuck, i forgot to bring my wallet."